Another Book Read – Another Blog Written

I just finished reading “Transgender: A Talking Points Book” written by Vaughn Roberts. Yet again, this is a book that I would highly recommend to anyone who has a loved one involved in this “new” concept that seems to be sweeping this country by storm.

Since the transgender movement has personally touched my life and family, I’ve been able to discuss the issue with a variety of people from all walks of life.  Through those I’ve spoken with, I’ve gotten almost the same amount of opinions on the subject.  Human beings don’t have the answers that are meaningful and/or necessary on the issue of the transgender ideology, but the Word of God does.  What better authority to seek than the One who created every unique individual on the earth.  The author of the above book caught my attention in the first paragraph of the introduction.

“Christians living in the Western culture have enjoyed the benefits of being in a world which largely shared our assumptions about what is fundamentally right and wrong.  We can no longer assume that this is the case.”  (Page 7)

What this man just said, is alarmingly true.  Personally, I have found fewer people who understand that everything involved with the transgender movement goes completely against God and nature, than those who just don’t seem to care about an issue in today’s society.

Having a baby and going by the “sex” or “gender” the child is born with, seems to not be how we are supposed to class our little ones in life.  However – the Creator of the universe was satisfied with making each of our offspring the gender He decided each would be upon conception.

“Many people have assumptions about what it means to be transgender but, fundamentally, it isn’t about surgery or how someone dresses.  It’s about how they feel inside … Those who identify as transgender may consider themselves heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual (or perhaps, pansexual, polysexual, or asexual), just as the rest of the population might.”  (Page 15)

Wow – what a list of items that can be “pinned” on human beings – all to do with their sexuality.

There is a physical condition that affects a very small percentage of the population who are actually born without the clear distinction of being male or female.  And when that does occur with a birth, there has to be a decision made as to whether the child is more of one gender or the other.  That small percentage of individuals are called “intersex”.  The vast majority of those affected by this condition will grow up and identify as the gender that the doctors recommended to the parents of the baby when it was born.

“By contrast, transgender is to do with how people think or feel.  They are born either male or female, but their feelings about their gender don’t fit with their sex.” (Page 15)

To be clear on this point:

“There is no agreement on what causes gender dysphoria … Some argue the brain-sex theory, according to which transgender people have a male-type brain in a female body, or vice versa.  The evidence for this view is far from conclusive.  After a thorough survey of the evidence Lawrence Mayer and Paul McHugh comment:  “All interpretations, usually in popular outlets, claiming or suggesting that a statistically significant difference between the brains of people who are transgender and those who are not is the cause of transgender or not … are unwarranted.”  Others believe that nurture – psychological environment in childhood – is the dominant factor.  After a thorough survey of the arguments on both sides, one author honestly admits:  “We don’t know what causes gender dysphoria.”  In all the uncertainty, however, one thing is clear:  those who experience gender dysphoria certainly do not simply choose to do so.”  (Page 18)

I honestly believe that there is a faction of our population that wants to – and does – promote the “idea” of transgender.  To hear from parents with children who have not gone through puberty – and they are already caught up in this gender confusion – shows that those youngsters are learning about the “in” thing somewhere.  Let’s face it – our kids hear about most things through their friends, school, television, and social media. Parents are losing touch with their kids at younger ages than ever before, and I highly doubt we will see a return to closeness in the family unit – even though that would do a lot to right many wrongs that are happening in society.

How Should a Christian Respond to the Transgender Movement?

Christians should always do their best to show genuine love and compassion toward every human being we come into contact with.  Most of us can only imagine the distress and pain that is undoubtedly a part of gender dysphoria.  It is vital that Christians never think or talk with any disrespect about those who struggle with the issue of their gender. We must do our best to show everyone the love of God.  It is important that we not speak in a way they find hurtful and/or degrading.  Granted, there will be situations where we are gonna make mistakes because we are all human beings – but we shouldn’t intentionally say anything hurtful to anyone.

For myself – personally – that means that I need to “think” before I speak, and most usually that will change the way I say something.  I always have to stop and think “WWJD”, what would Jesus do – what would Jesus think or say – how would Jesus react to this – and the list goes on and on.

Along this same line of thinking, Christians need to always remember that God will never condone or be “okay” with anyone who decides to literally attempt to change who He made them to be.  That is something that doesn’t go over well in the transgender circle – yet, there are those caught up in gender dysphoria who claim to be Christians.

Be sure that God never changes – human beings do, but not Him.

Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.”

Hebrews 10:23 “Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)”

Hebrews 10:26-27 “For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, But a certain fearful looking for of judgement and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries.”

Hebrews 10:31 “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

Today, there are even “Christians” who feel like this:

“Modern authenticity encourages us to create our own beliefs and morality, the only rule being that they must resonate with who we feel we really are.  The worst thing we can do is to conform to some moral code that is imposed on us from outside – by society, our parents, the church, or whoever else.  It is deemed to be self-evident that any such imposition would undermine our unique identity … The authentic self believes that personal meaning must be found within ourselves or must resonate with our one-of-a-kind personality.” (Page 27)

“Over the last few decades the primacy of self-expression has become an unquestioned assumption of many.  No one has the right to question or challenge how each individual chooses to define themselves.” (Page 28)

“Judith Lorber, a radical feminist, writes … When we no longer ask “boy or girl?” in order to start gendering an infant, when the information is as irrelevant as the colour of a child’s eyes … only then will men and women be socially interchangeable and really equal.  And when that happens there will no longer be any need for gender at all.” (Page 28)

In our world today, we have a deeply rooted conviction.  Everyone is free to define who they are however they wish, and nobody has the right to question that.  The change in the attitudes of professionals is shown like this.  In 1994, someone having gender issues was said to have “gender identity disorder.”  That was changed in 2013 to “gender dysphoria.”  Emphasis was changed from the disorder to the distress that accompanies it.

“Approaches to treatment have also changed.  Any attempt to try to “correct” a person’s gender identity so that it conforms to their biological sex is now increasingly seen as unacceptable.  It is now the body rather than the mind that is often treated, with hormones or surgery being used to change the body so it conforms to a person’s sense of identity … A group of American pediatricians have spoken our saying, “Young children are being permanently sterilized and surgically maimed under the guise of treating a condition that would otherwise resolve in over 80% of them.” (Page 31)  The same pediatricians called that “criminal”.  That same group of doctors described it by comparing it to a person who suffers with anorexia.  “Surgery to “affirm” the patient’s false assumption that they are overweight, perhaps by liposuction, might reduce their emotional distress, but it will not have addressed the underlying psychological problem and will result in significant physical harm, even death.” (Page 32)

Most Christians know the Gospel according to God’s Holy Word.  God’s Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, is who leads to freedom and fulfillment. The world uses a different “gospel” story …

“For years our spirits have been suffocated by restrictive traditions and morality. But now we must have the courage to follow our own light.  We must resist anyone or anything that stands in our way.  We must discover the hero inside ourselves and enter into the freedom that comes when we become who we really are.” (Page 34)

It is a most difficult thing to discuss something that can hurt another individual so very deeply – yet, sometimes it’s necessary to talk of the truth.  And that is what I’m offering to every Mama on the internet the ability to become involved with others who have children in the same boat.  I know from my own experience that talking to others about what you are going through, does nothing but ‘help’ you with your own emotions and the roller coaster ride that you will also be riding … None of this is easy – and that goes for everyone who is living with this kind of situation involving members of your family.

Please feel free to contact me directly through my email, susienicholson33@gmail.com, if you would like to just be able to talk to someone.  I’m not necessarily full of advice, but I do have a listening ear, a caring heart, and the ability to pray for you and your circumstances.

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Transgender Decisions Do Affect the Entire Family

When traumatic events take place within a family unit it doesn’t only affect one person, it has an affect on every person in that family.  My own family has experienced its share of events that have ultimately changed some of our relationships with one another.  Whether it is through the death of a family member, a personal tragedy through friendships, severe marital problems, etc., we cannot expect life to continue as ‘normal’ when there is an event that literally alters relationships.

Close families are ideal – at least I’ve always felt that way.  There is no greater joy than having a close relationship with your family members.  I grew up in a close family, so I was thankful to witness my own little family become the same way.  We’ve had severe tragedy strike our family, but every time we have pulled together and managed to make it through with God being at the center of it all.  Without having Jesus Christ at the helm of your home, I believe your chances of weathering the storms in this life are lessened by a large margin.

Most of my family and friends know how I feel and believe when it comes to the transgender movement.  Honestly – I can say it wouldn’t be something I’d spend much time on, if it didn’t have a devastating impact on my own family.  I wonder how many people are holding up signs that are “pro” whatever you wanna do with your body is just fine – when deep inside those same people are “thankful” that what they are for, isn’t something that one of their own loved ones has decided to do in their life.  Yeah – everything is just fine, unless it touches one of your family members.  That’s something wrong with today’s Christianity.  I, personally – as a Christian, want to change that in myself … whether something “touches” my life or not … I wanna speak up for what’s right in this world that’s following such a dark path.  All too often, we Christians will take the easy road through things that go completely against God’s Word and creation.

I’ve been reading some books on the transgender topic, and I must say that what I’ve read so far fits myself and my family very well.  Most likely, if you have a loved one with gender confusion, what I’ve found would fit you and your situation too.  In my family, the stakes are TOO HIGH for me to simply sit down and be quiet.  One of my biggest blessings in this life – a piece of my heart – my precious baby girl, is one such person affected by this gender confusion.

After discovering that our daughter was beginning Testosterone shots in August, 2015, I have tried to read and learn as much as possible on the topic.  I just recently finished reading a book entitled, “Transgender Confusion A Biblical Based Q&A For Families”.  It is written by Denise Shick.  I would highly recommend this book to the families who are dealing with a loved one trapped by a very real disorder.  Yes, Gender Identity Disorder is real, and it is psychological.  It is a condition that should be treated through therapy and possibly with medication as well.  It is NOT a physical condition, and does not require a ‘blank check’ being written for hormone replacement therapy and/or cosmetic surgery.  Yet, the latter choice seems to be the treatment for anyone suffering from this psychological problem.  Denise Shick put it this way in her book.  “The earlier the treatment is offered, the better one’s outcome is likely to be in coming to terms with and embracing his or her God-given gender.”  (Page 12)

From the moment I read the introduction to the above book, I was anxious to read more. Here is an excerpt from that introduction.

Ten years ago, few had ever heard the term transgender.  When I was a child, virtually no one had heard the term.  Oh, how things have changed in less than one generation. These days you cannot watch or read the news without hearing a story of this rapidly escalating movement in which truth and fantasy have become synonymous and lives are destroyed daily.  Yet, in spite of all the publicity, most people are unaware of the damage the entire family suffers when a loved one falls under the spell of an impression that he or she was born in the wrong body.

The Bible reveals that the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. (Genesis 2:22).  God made man and woman, each distinctively and purposefully, but our culture has largely rejected even the concept of a God.  And, because of that rejection, our culture has also rejected the sacredness of a person’s God-given gender.  The serpent’s ancient fabrication in Genesis 3:4 – Ye shall not surely die – echoes through our popular media, clinics, and hospital hallways.  But with each transgender makeover, one of God’s creations does die, only to be resurrected in a form foreign to the Creator’s design for that unique individual. (Page 2)

As I live my life from day-to-day, there are people I see who are in the process of changing their body to “fit” the gender they believe themselves to be.  To be sure, it disturbs me to no end.  When I think about my own child making changes to her God-given body, my heart just breaks even more.  In fact, I’ve never felt such an intense pain – and I have suffered many things over my 56 years.  Losing both of my parents in death, hasn’t given me as much pain as I’ve felt over just the ‘thought’ of my beautiful daughter altering her physical body.

Yesterday, I came across several of my little girl’s toys and my heart was filled with such sweet memories of the days when she played and enjoyed life every moment she was awake.  Memories should not bring sadness … they should bring such a sweet calm to you.  Those sweet memories should continue on in your child’s life, not abruptly come to a stop because they no longer exist … your child still exists on the earth – unless, of course, you have lost them through a tragic accident or bad health.  Oh, how many times I’ve wished that keeping quiet would make things just disappear and everything about life would be alright.  Reality doesn’t work that way though, and we must play the cards we are given. It’s a terrible spot for every member of a family that has a loved one who has the notion that they will be happier if they just change their appearance.

Once again this book spoke directly to me … at the very core of the transgender issue…

Various reasons can motivate a person to step out of maleness or femaleness and choose the opposite gender identity.  The point is, both the males and females who choose this drastic change have rejected their God-given gender because of their unhappiness, disappointment, and resentment.  A break has occurred between their heart and soul. (Page 9)

Then, there is the question of whether or not the person was born this way … That’s been used for many years as the excuse for homosexual behavior, so I would guess that it’s also being used as an excuse for the transperson wanting to change ‘who’ they appear to be. Again – the author covers that question in her book…

No studies have proved that anyone has been born transgender. No matter how many cosmetic surgeries and hormones one has ingested, his or her biology, (sex chromosomes), neurology, and genetic composition (DNA) remains unchangeable. The person’s reproductive system is the one he or she was born with.  The born-that-way theories are nothing more than propaganda purported by advocates who want to gain public sympathy and approval. (Page 9)

Actually, some of my first thoughts on the subject of being transgender have now come full circle.  The main and most important one is this … After doing everything a person can do to change themselves into a different person, and one of the opposite sex, absolutely nothing is gonna change on the inside of that human being.  If they are unhappy with who and what they are before changing anything like their appearance – then changing their appearance is certainly not gonna change their feelings of unhappiness.  Sure, they are bound to feel a little different at first – but the sadness, along with all of the other feelings they were experiencing ‘before’ changing their body will return to torment them. We can’t fix something that is psychological by altering our body – that is just a fact.

I do love my daughter, and she knows it. I try not to judge her, or anyone else for that matter. To support her with parental love – I can do that, but I can’t support her in what she has decided to do to herself. That doesn’t mean that I will look at her as a ‘freak’ or anything like that…it simply means that I won’t condone what she has chosen – and she is aware of that and respects me for it. She came out to her Daddy and I16865155_10154319586157011_8547240714859857716_n as being a lesbian when she was a teenager still living at home. She knew that we would never condone/agree with that lifestyle – but we never turned our back on her, or stopped loving her. I appreciate her waiting to ‘alter’ her gender until she moved away from home. To me, that shows that she respects her parents – and shows that she learned the values that we tried to instill in her. I truly believe that our children need to understand that we love them – unconditionally – because we do. Being tolerant only shows them that you accept “whatever” they do. When they have been raised to know right from wrong, then they already know that their parents won’t accept just anything they do, but they also know that their parents will always love them.

 

You Never Know When You Are Going to Be “Hit”

As the Mama of a transgender person, I am discovering that you can never be sure where things might be said that will absolutely tear your heart out.  Let’s face it, in today’s society the transgender movement and acceptance of their choices, are so commonplace that it no longer matters when you are not able to make a change in how you refer to someone.  This is especially true if the transgender person is your child.

I went through an experience just the other day that I honestly thought I was gonna have a breakdown over.  It was evident that the person who drove me to that point, didn’t care at all about how they made me feel.  And the person didn’t even bother to apologize to me!! All I did was call the DA’s office to inquire about how a case was proceeding – that case involves our family in a huge way.  Our daughter was molested/raped over a 7 month period of time, when she was only 9 and 10 years old.  The assailant was an 18-year-old male whom we had pitied for the extremely sad life he had experienced and allowed to move into our home.  At this time, he has spent 12 years in prison for the crimes he committed against our little girl.  He has 10 years remaining on his sentence – then he has 15 years of parole after he is released from prison.  The lady that I spoke with at the DA’s office was the Victim’s Advocate.  When she asked me how the ‘victim’ was doing and I told her – she began laughing saying that’s so brave of her, then stopped and said excuse me, of “him”.  There were so many emotions that coursed through my being.  This so-called ‘advocate’ has NO idea what my family has been through, and she’s gonna laugh when I’m crying on the phone??  I’m sure this woman has been called on the carpet for the callous way she treated me on the phone – possibly she has lost her job, and that thought doesn’t bother me at all.  A victim of a violent crime – or their family – doesn’t deserve to be treated the way she treated me.

I’ve been walked on, called names, and told that I just “have” to accept the fact that my daughter is actually a son … Well, I’ve got news for the whole world – No, I don’t have to accept that – and “no” she is a daughter!  Shoot, I’ve had members of my own family call me a ‘bigot’!!  I’m not a bigot, and I have always treated people fairly … just look where having compassion on another human being got me?!?!  Having “any” compassion on someone finally returned a couple of years ago … not that I would ever allow a stranger into our home again.  At least, I can ‘feel’ for another human being again, to some extent.  Hey, I was there when she was born … I was there as she began to grow … I was there when she needed me to be  (and I still am) … I have a history of 20 years with a daughter!  So, don’t tell me that I no longer have her…..even though I’ve watched her fade away.

I’m sick of the last page in the book of a very lonely 20-year-old girl …. cause that’s as far as I can go.  I’m not really a part of the new book, it’s not about the baby girl that I gave birth to … Instead it is being written about a “male” who isn’t really a male – she’s only putting a foreign substance into her body.  My heart and mind is filled with the first 20 years of that person’s life – and that’s where it stops. Oh, I can hear it now … how I’ll be told that it doesn’t have to be that way, all you have to do is accept the change your child has decided to make to herself.  In fact, I am told that in different posts on Facebook … and quite frankly, they send a whole stream of emotions through my body.  I’m sure that there are those who say that it is ‘my’ fault that the relationship between myself and my daughter isn’t like it was before.  To that kind of thinking, I can only say that I haven’t been involved with trying to replace her natural hormones with foreign ones – and I would never be involved with doing that to anyone, especially not my own child.

As most people will gladly point out to anyone, no two people are alike.  Now, since that is true, how can someone compare another to some woman (at any other time in history) who could accept one of her children changing their sex?  That’s not even possible … because I am not that woman – if she really existed at all.  Let’s face it, a person who actually changed the sex they were born as, isn’t something that was commonplace a hundred years ago! Okay – let’s say the old Christian Grandma could “understand” one of her children being a transgender … There’s a gigantic difference between understanding and acceptance, too.

With my own family – I can guarantee you 100% that if one of my siblings or myself had said anything about being a transgender, my parents would’ve had a cow!!  In all fairness, they would’ve had the same kind of reaction if I had told them that I was becoming a satanist, too!!   I’ll never forget hearing Daddy say, “If you turn up pregnant, and you’re not married, I will disown you!”  So, reading a meme here or there is not of any consequence to me … nope, I was raised in a different time – and it was not a time when anything like today was talked about, let alone ‘done’… The main thing that was going on during my youth, didn’t have anything to do with which gender I was…and what I thought my gender should’ve been… I never had one thought about ‘maybe I’m supposed to be a guy’.

Ya know, being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs you can have. Rewarding?  Yes, it can be a very rewarding thing to see your child succeed in their life.  The job also carries a lot of low times with it, as well. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again … without the parents, the person who you are trying to get the parents to accept, would  not even exist.  Nobody is gonna convince a Daddy and Mama that they have to accept this “other” person, in place of the sweet little bundle they brought home from the hospital.  Life doesn’t just work the way you want it to … not for anyone … Be it parents, children, grandparents, grandchildren, etc.

The love of family is the strongest bond on earth – and not something to be toyed with.  It’s also not easily broken.

  1.  https://apps.carleton.edu/campus/gsc/assets/hormones_FTM.pdf
  2. http://fenwayhealth.org/documents/medical/transgender-resources/Informed_Consent_-_Testosterone_Therapy.pdf

10 Things Parents of Transgender People Need To Know

Over half of my life has been spent raising children. It is the ultimate experience. Watching your baby grow, from birth, all the way to seeing your little one graduate and begin their lives as a young adult. As parents, we have many things we want to see our children succeed at in life. I have wanted nothing but the ‘best’ in life for my children, and I feel certain that most parents want the exact same thing for their own kids.

The reason I have written this article, is because one of my children has decided to change their gender and I have not found ‘anything’ that is written for the parents who literally go through a huge gambit of emotions when this happens with one of their babies. I must say that the majority of what you will read here, is from my personal experience with my daughter changing herself into a male. Some things I have learned from her, some I’ve learned through her experience to this point, and some things I’ve read online. At the end of this article, I have listed several places where you can also read about what is happening to your child. Since everything I have found is aimed at acceptance of this whole transgender idea, I decided to write something for everyone else in the family of those who are doing everything they can to become someone of the opposite sex. Believe me, I can understand your pain as you watch the person you ‘knew’ change into a completely different human being, especially after they’ve been on hormone replacement therapy for any amount of time. There may actually be some parents who are able to accept such drastic changes in their children, I’m just not one of those and neither is my husband.

How you find out about your child changing their complete ‘being’, also can be very difficult to deal with. For instance, in my case I read about my daughter starting Testosterone Shots through a Facebook post by her girlfriend. Here is what I read:

“Today was the first chapter of a beautiful story. Today, August 9th, 2015, my darling, Shane Andrew Nicholson, had his first shot of testosterone. This has been a long time coming. It fills me with so much joy to see my soul-mate so happy… I know I’m crying in this picture but it’s simply because I’m so proud. I’ve known this incredible young man for almost a year now and I’ve loved him just as long. And with one push of a needle, so ends the final chapter of the twenty-year-old, damaged diary of a very lonely girl. May the last words scrawled on the ending page read “my story isn’t over” as the second book is born. I am so, so proud of you, Shane. The pen is in your hand now, my love. And with the ink of a needle, may you write your own story as the adventure we will now face together forever. And may every page… Be happy and true. I love you, Izette. Here’s to the first day with my man… And to every one to come. — feeling blissful.”

This is not the way I would have wanted to find out such a thing about my child, but it was how things happened for me. I felt like I was reading about my daughter having a ‘private burial’ – it truly felt like she was being thrown away. Yes, my daughter was 20 when she began changing herself into a man, and I do not believe she was old enough to really make that kind of decision. I truly believe that anyone that young should need to be seen by a therapist for quite a while before actually beginning hormones of any kind. Finding out about the ‘event’ through this post, was absolutely devastating to me – as her Mama. My desire, for the parents who might read this, is that you have found out about your child/children in a much better way. As the parent of a transgender person, it is only right that you actually learn about such things happening from the child who is doing it.

1. It is NOT your fault.
It is inevitable that parents usually end up blaming themselves for most things their child does. It doesn’t matter who you are – one of the first things you are gonna say is something like this, “What did I do wrong?” It’s the first thing I thought when I found out that my beautiful baby girl was gonna turn herself into a man. It took quite a while – and a lot of direction from God – for me to realize that the way we raised our daughter didn’t have anything to do with her decision. I had to turn to Jesus Christ as my main source of strength. Only He was able to hold me together. Other people are important – being able to talk to them about what is happening – especially being able to cry in her Daddy’s arms. Seriously, I was in depression for several months and really wasn’t aware of it, I just thought I was sad. After searching for some kind of help with something natural, my pharmacist suggested Kava-Kava. It helped me immensely. I also discovered some depression drops, and I’m still using them. They have made it so that I can actually do things again, instead of just sitting and crying. Please watch yourself, be aware that depression can hit you – and hit you hard.

2. Treating your child the same.
I’m not gonna kid you. With what you have learned about your child, you are gonna be uncertain as to ‘how’ to treat them. How do you talk to them? Discussions with my daughter are not the same anymore – but I have tried very hard to not change the way I talk to her. My situation is much different than those of you who still have your child at home. Mine is 2,000 miles away, she moved to Kentucky and we live in New Mexico. Honestly, I would have to pray a lot in order to know just ‘how’ I should treat my daughter if she still lived nearby. It is a difficult task, but well worth the effort, if you can keep from changing how you treat your child no matter what is going on.

3. Denying what is happening, can be very harmful.
As I stated before – the decision your child has made is truly gonna break your heart, and could even put you into depression. I’m not speaking of just being sad. I mean literally losing interest in everything around you in your everyday life, hobbies, family, etc. I would expect depression to show up more in the Mama, but I’m sure Daddy could be just as devastated. Most importantly – you have to “face” the fact of what your child has chosen to do to themselves. Always remember it is something they have made the “choice” to do. It isn’t something they have to do. If they truly have Gender Identity Disorder, or Gender Dysphoria, then they can be seen by a psychologist or psychiatrist who can help them deal with their gender disorder – instead of catering to the problem, or just helping them completely change to the opposite sex! If your child is still a minor, that is in your favor, as well as your child’s favor.

4. Be honest with your child.
No matter what, always be honest with your child. Honest about how upset you are over them changing who they were born as. You have every right to be disturbed about what they’re doing. Without you, the parent, that person would have never even existed in the first place. You went through pregnancy, gave birth or held the Mama’s hand while she did, changed diapers for years, made sure everything was as perfect as possible for the baby, nurtured the child, had to ‘let go’ of them when they started to school, helped with homework, and the list goes on and on and on and on. Usually the list even goes on long passed the time they are actually grown up. They need to hear what you have to say, even if it does hurt them. What they are doing, is hurting you, too. Being honest with each other is extremely important.

5. Talk about the “elephant” in the room.
The situation with a child changing who they were born as can easily become an “elephant” in the room. Meaning, there is the problem and everyone knows about it, but nobody will say anything about it. In the long run, it is better if you go ahead and bring up the subject. Talking about it keeps your communication lines open, and that’s a good thing. Later on, you will see a major change in your child … after that, there will not be any ‘real’ talking about what they are doing and it’s gonna hurt you deeply, as their parent.

6. What does God say about it?
Sadly, not everyone is gonna ‘care’ what God has to say about gender. I respect your opinion if you don’t agree with me, but thank you for allowing me the chance to put some scripture to this point. God is the Creator of everything. In Genesis, we find reference to creation where God made man. Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”
Genesis 2:21-24 “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
God made Adam to be a “man” … He made Eve to be a “woman”. When God allows we parents to “create” another human being, He also is in charge of the gender that child will be born with. He decides their biological sex – not us. When God created my daughter, Elizabeth Ann, He didn’t make a mistake … and will not smile on my little girl changing herself into Shane Andrew. God has a reason for making our babies gender the way He does. It’s always in God’s plan for each of us.

7. Just speaking with your child will not always be easy.
The first discussion you have with your child over what they are doing to their whole being, is not gonna be easy. You will, most likely, cry during that conversation and that’s perfectly fine. The more you show your emotions over the whole ordeal, the more your child “might” come to understand just how major a decision like they have made, honestly is. During this time, I would suggest that you continue to call your child by the name, and pronouns, that you have always used for them. I never have changed how I refer to my daughter, and she’s been on hormone replacement therapy for 1 year and 5 months. There will come a time – if they begin hormone replacement therapy – when talking becomes less and less, and more uncomfortable than ever. Take great advantage of the time when your child still ‘wants’ to have communication with you – because it will most likely come to an end, and everything will change.

8. How the opposite hormones will completely change the child you knew.
This has come to me by personal experience, and it was (and is) extremely difficult to get through. After I read about her beginning Testosterone injections, we got ‘together’ via Skype for a chat – which was something we did quite often about a year ago. I confronted her with what I had discovered online, and I did break into tears as I talked to her about it. She was mainly upset that I had learned about it online, instead of her getting to “tell” me about it herself. She told me several things about the changes that would take place with her body. How she would begin to grow hair on her face, chest, and back. Her weight and muscles were gonna shift from where they were, her voice would get deeper. Her body would quit functioning as a female, her monthly cycles would cease, and her breasts would begin to shrink. All of these changes could be reversed if she ever stopped taking the hormone – except for her voice, it would remain deep.  (Upon doing the research for this blog post, I discovered that most of the things that will be changed by Hormone Replacement Therapy will remain changed.)  These were things that had been told to her by the doctor that gave the ‘okay’ for her to pursue this change that she wanted. Our very close relationship would never change, she said. It would be alright for her family to refer to her as Elizabeth, like we always had. At one point, she told me that we would still get a grandchild from her. When I asked her how that would be possible since she was turning herself into a man, she simply said that they would have her eggs harvested and impregnated then place inside of her girlfriend. After I thought about that statement for a while, I began searching online for information about how eggs would be affected by taking Testosterone. I couldn’t find anything about that subject. This entire procedure is so ‘new’, there is nothing to check out for results. Since that time, I’ve seen that one female that did the same thing as my daughter, had her eggs harvested “before” she began the injections. As she continued her visible change into a male, she had one of her eggs implanted and gave birth. I must admit, the pictures I saw of this hairy looking male nursing a baby just about made me ill. But I must say, at least she thought ahead about being able to ‘use’ her eggs.
Not only will you see the changes physically to your child, but their personality and emotions will also change. I have watched as my little girl has become more aloof, seeming to not care about the things she did before – and that includes her relationship with Mama, Daddy, and her little nephew that we have been raising. It has seriously broken my heart because my child is no longer visible in the human being that she has turned herself into. When she began those injections, she began killing the sweet baby girl that we had known for 20 years … and as of about 6 months ago, she has pretty much buried our daughter. I can no longer find my child when we speak on the phone. I’m not sure what it will be like when we’re able to Skype again, I may have a complete breakdown. But there’s one thing I can say to other parents who are either already in the experience or headed into the changes from hormone replacement therapy – the odds that you will never recognize your original child ever again, are about 100%.

9. Dealing with the grief over the loss of your child, and they haven’t been physically buried.
It’s difficult to describe the agony that I have felt over understanding that my child is actually no longer alive, yet the ‘body’ that I gave birth to is still walking around somewhere. I can say that it’s absolutely impossible for my child to live her life being Elizabeth and Shane … it’s just not gonna work. She is gonna have to decide which person she is gonna be, because she certainly cannot be 2 people. So far, there is none of this experience that is easy or good. My prayer for my daughter is that God will take care of getting her back on the right path. That she will understand that God made her to be the lovely young lady she had become – and not a man.
Our son, her brother, was able to see her for the first time in almost 8 years just last summer. He told me on the phone the next day about their visit. The first thing he told me was, “She’s gone.” I’m guessing that the physical changes that are present now, would not be advantageous for this Mama to even see.

10. How to find peace of mind when you see no hope.
It’s almost needless to say that you are gonna feel a whole lot of different and difficult emotions throughout the process of seeing your child change ‘who’ they were born and raised as. For myself, it has been one of the most challenging things I have ever experienced … and I would not wish the ordeal on anyone. My source of peace of mind – when it seems I cannot see a shred of hope for my daughter – is to turn to God and pray about the whole situation. He can give me that calm in my heart, and that’s something I can’t find anywhere else. I get a reassurance that He is in control, after all He is the giver of this life that we live. Wherever you may be in this process with your own child, please remember that God cares about you and He cares about your child, too. My prayer, is that what I’ve written has helped you in some way to cope a little better or easier with your own experience. It is possible that I will begin trying to answer questions, or write a blog for parents of transgender people. We need just as much support as the children we gave life to – especially when something as life changing as this happens to them.
Feel free to drop me a note at susienicholson33@gmail.com with any remarks or questions that you may have, and I will do my best to answer you as soon as possible.

Resources:

http://www.revelandriot.com/resources/understanding-transgender/

http://openmindedhealth.com/transgender-101-trans-people/

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/gender-dysphoria

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1CHZL_enUS723US723&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=evan+hempel