As the Mama of a transgender person, I am discovering that you can never be sure where things might be said that will absolutely tear your heart out. Let’s face it, in today’s society the transgender movement and acceptance of their choices, are so commonplace that it no longer matters when you are not able to make a change in how you refer to someone. This is especially true if the transgender person is your child.
I went through an experience just the other day that I honestly thought I was gonna have a breakdown over. It was evident that the person who drove me to that point, didn’t care at all about how they made me feel. And the person didn’t even bother to apologize to me!! All I did was call the DA’s office to inquire about how a case was proceeding – that case involves our family in a huge way. Our daughter was molested/raped over a 7 month period of time, when she was only 9 and 10 years old. The assailant was an 18-year-old male whom we had pitied for the extremely sad life he had experienced and allowed to move into our home. At this time, he has spent 12 years in prison for the crimes he committed against our little girl. He has 10 years remaining on his sentence – then he has 15 years of parole after he is released from prison. The lady that I spoke with at the DA’s office was the Victim’s Advocate. When she asked me how the ‘victim’ was doing and I told her – she began laughing saying that’s so brave of her, then stopped and said excuse me, of “him”. There were so many emotions that coursed through my being. This so-called ‘advocate’ has NO idea what my family has been through, and she’s gonna laugh when I’m crying on the phone?? I’m sure this woman has been called on the carpet for the callous way she treated me on the phone – possibly she has lost her job, and that thought doesn’t bother me at all. A victim of a violent crime – or their family – doesn’t deserve to be treated the way she treated me.
I’ve been walked on, called names, and told that I just “have” to accept the fact that my daughter is actually a son … Well, I’ve got news for the whole world – No, I don’t have to accept that – and “no” she is a daughter! Shoot, I’ve had members of my own family call me a ‘bigot’!! I’m not a bigot, and I have always treated people fairly … just look where having compassion on another human being got me?!?! Having “any” compassion on someone finally returned a couple of years ago … not that I would ever allow a stranger into our home again. At least, I can ‘feel’ for another human being again, to some extent. Hey, I was there when she was born … I was there as she began to grow … I was there when she needed me to be (and I still am) … I have a history of 20 years with a daughter! So, don’t tell me that I no longer have her…..even though I’ve watched her fade away.
I’m sick of the last page in the book of a very lonely 20-year-old girl …. cause that’s as far as I can go. I’m not really a part of the new book, it’s not about the baby girl that I gave birth to … Instead it is being written about a “male” who isn’t really a male – she’s only putting a foreign substance into her body. My heart and mind is filled with the first 20 years of that person’s life – and that’s where it stops. Oh, I can hear it now … how I’ll be told that it doesn’t have to be that way, all you have to do is accept the change your child has decided to make to herself. In fact, I am told that in different posts on Facebook … and quite frankly, they send a whole stream of emotions through my body. I’m sure that there are those who say that it is ‘my’ fault that the relationship between myself and my daughter isn’t like it was before. To that kind of thinking, I can only say that I haven’t been involved with trying to replace her natural hormones with foreign ones – and I would never be involved with doing that to anyone, especially not my own child.
As most people will gladly point out to anyone, no two people are alike. Now, since that is true, how can someone compare another to some woman (at any other time in history) who could accept one of her children changing their sex? That’s not even possible … because I am not that woman – if she really existed at all. Let’s face it, a person who actually changed the sex they were born as, isn’t something that was commonplace a hundred years ago! Okay – let’s say the old Christian Grandma could “understand” one of her children being a transgender … There’s a gigantic difference between understanding and acceptance, too.
With my own family – I can guarantee you 100% that if one of my siblings or myself had said anything about being a transgender, my parents would’ve had a cow!! In all fairness, they would’ve had the same kind of reaction if I had told them that I was becoming a satanist, too!! I’ll never forget hearing Daddy say, “If you turn up pregnant, and you’re not married, I will disown you!” So, reading a meme here or there is not of any consequence to me … nope, I was raised in a different time – and it was not a time when anything like today was talked about, let alone ‘done’… The main thing that was going on during my youth, didn’t have anything to do with which gender I was…and what I thought my gender should’ve been… I never had one thought about ‘maybe I’m supposed to be a guy’.
Ya know, being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs you can have. Rewarding? Yes, it can be a very rewarding thing to see your child succeed in their life. The job also carries a lot of low times with it, as well. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again … without the parents, the person who you are trying to get the parents to accept, would not even exist. Nobody is gonna convince a Daddy and Mama that they have to accept this “other” person, in place of the sweet little bundle they brought home from the hospital. Life doesn’t just work the way you want it to … not for anyone … Be it parents, children, grandparents, grandchildren, etc.
The love of family is the strongest bond on earth – and not something to be toyed with. It’s also not easily broken.